Super Session

On my booking page under packages, you’ll find a new offering: Super Session

Essentially this is 3 hours of work in one day- first we’ll start with a Clairvoyant session, then move on to an Integrative and finish with a Reiki session. We can change up the order depending on what’s right for you.

This would be the package to choose for those of you who want to heal as much as possible in the shortest amount of time instead of opting to gradually shift over a longer span of time.

If you want to up level, this is the fastest way to do it.

It is recommended for those of you choosing this format to block out the whole day, as you’ll need recovery time after we finish the session. Your energy field will also be sensitive so it is recommended to minimize disruption. This is undergoing energetic surgery so you’ll want to have the space for a deep recovery before and after.

Remote Reiki Testimonial

I received a lovely testimonial from a new client, Paris, after her remote reiki session.

I just wanted to thank you so so much for our reiki session. The morning after our session, I felt a clearness within that I don’t recall ever feeling before. It felt like the feeling after you’ve deep cleaned your home and just lit a candle. Relief, calmness and inspiration are just a few things that I’ve experienced in the months that followed. Before this session, I struggled with the path I wanted my life to go in. I felt like I was making some progress in the right direction but still missing the mark. After the session, I had an epiphany that seemed so obvious that it was almost laughable. Now I am taking steps in this new direction and I feel so inspired and alive.  

Integrative Healing 10 Series

It feels important to write about the 10-series I offer, and why one would opt for this series as opposed to individual sessions.

The people who normally book the series are usually following a calling- it’s a calling of big transformation for them, either they’re in their spiritual awakening process or a spiritual expansion phase. If you somehow keep gravitating towards this idea, there’s a reason. It’s in our egos to have resistance and to make excuses, but if it’s a spiritual calling, the universe will support it in all ways including materially because the way we expand is exponential.

What this series is is a deep dive into trauma release, de-programming and re-programming. We’ll work to uncover unhealthy beliefs and rework them to streamline your internal process, to get you into your alignment. A lot of this work goes into imprints from past lives and from your present past. Our realities are determined by how we perceive and react to stimulus. If we change what that stimulus means by clearing all of what it meant to us before, we can respond in a renewed way that changes all outcomes, and brings forth new possibilities.

This work spans multiple levels and multiple dimensions— it’s somatic work all the way to spiritual work.

Commitment to the series is a big one-with the regularity of working together every week, it establishes a container for the work that helps us go deeper and helps us have the continuity required for clearing out the nitty gritty and reinforcing new beliefs and behaviors.

More than anything, at the end of the 10 series it’s a timeline shift to one that matches your new vibration of abundance, love, harmony and self-love. So you can be free and empowered.

One of my first clients mentioned to me after we completed our 10 series that she felt like she could finally live. I think that sums it up beautifully. I think that before we venture into our freedom, we’re stuck in surviving, not thriving.

Hope to “meet” you soon. I’m excited for all your growth and for you to step into your truth and calling.

x M

Staying In Your Own Experience

One of the biggest life lessons I’ve ever learned was in an acting class a few years ago. It has even transformed my whole practice.

That’s what I think is beautiful about life, we can make all these connections based on things that seemingly are not connected at all. In the scheme of things, everything we learn becomes a composite within us, and is coming from the knowledge of a collective experience. So all things create what we are, and all ways of learning can enrich our direct experience.

Just a little background, at the beginning stages of my spiritual awakening, I was hungry for knowledge pertaining to healing and esoterics. But then at later stages, like the one I’m in now, I’m learning about broader concepts, life philosophies that broaden my whole understanding about life through nature, through disciplines. It’s really amazing how much we can pull from various subjects.

Anyway, in this acting class my teacher, who was a gifted empath herself, stopped me mid-scene and said, “Maria, you take care of your partner so much in your scenes. Energetically it comes through. Focus on your own experience, it gives your partner more to respond to,”

That clicked. Well, it took some time for me to really digest it. But I understood she meant that my default was that I wanted my partner to be okay, for my lines not to impact them too hard, but by doing that I was robbing them of their own experience. It wasn’t intentional, I had good intentions for taking care of their feelings, but by focusing on them so much I wasn’t contributing the other half of what was necessary for a scene to work. If I had a strong emotion, I needed to bring it, and if it took my partner back, that was their work. In totality, that was the scene.

Having been trained from a young age to naturally be a caretaker, it was like flipping my whole world upside down. I didn’t know how to have my own experience, my own emotions, if I’m honest. So the work began to take shape as I started to dig deeper and find my own emotions, those ones I pushed down in favor of helping others through their own.

In a scene from a few months ago, I remember having a very strong reaction and you could see how hard it hit my partner. He didn’t know what to do, emotionally. As he struggled, you could see that it transformed the way he related to the scene. He suddenly felt so vulnerable, and then he felt so bad because he saw/felt how his words had impacted me, and then our scene developed contours that weren’t there before.

As this framework settled into my life, I noticed that yes, obviously my job involves focusing on my clients’ experiences and emotions, but that the more I have my own experiences (and contain them, for the session) the more my clients have theirs. If I’m lost in the healing, if I’m not there, then I’m not holding space. Although I’m completely focused on my client, I also need to be a very anchored and strong force that comes with the entirety of my life experience and knowledge.

Back when I started healing, I was still working through a lot of the healer/empath dilemma. I was so sensitive to the suffering of others, and that pulls you into the dangerous rescuer dynamic. I always put my clients first, so much that I couldn’t really have my own life. I gave all of my energy, absorbed all their pain, and had nothing left for myself. I’d drop everything if a client needed me. And you know what, that’s not okay.

I will never bring my own stories into sessions unless it's necessary, as sometimes guides will ask of me to share personal experiences to ground certain lessons, but I think that to be a well-balanced healer requires you to focus on living your own life, discovering your own emotions for the 75% of the other time you’re not healing. My balance before was more like 20-80, 20 for me. I’ve noticed that even in that 75% though, it’s about my own healing. The more I can show up sovereign, empowered, the more my clients can too.

That’s something I’m coming to appreciate more and more about being a healer. It’s a calling for me that runs so deep, but more than that, it’s my ikigai— that sweet spot where you don’t feel like you’re working when you’re working. It comes so naturally to me, and I recognize that by having signed this “pact” so to speak to be of service, it means that I understand that healing myself is a continual process and essential for my work. So all opportunities are growth opportunities, and my whole life is based around healing, but not all allocated for the actual healing work itself. It requires you to have a strong sense of self, but also a well contained ego.

Outgrowing

When we’re on the path of growth, ascension, healing, whatever you choose to call it, you invariably start adopting your own pace that’s a reflection of your vibration. It’s really difficult for two people to travel vibrationally at the same rate because we’re all unique.

Something I’m learning through my own path is that there will be times that are very uncomfortable as we shift into new ways of being. The matches externally die out as we shed new skin, and we can no longer match certain people in our lives that we, at lower frequencies thought we’d know for a lot longer. It can come very suddenly and can often times be very jarring. Why does it feel like I can no longer talk to this person? Why am I suddenly dreading responding to them, like my energy doesn’t want to go near them? These are some of the thoughts that pop up when I reach this stage. It’s not avoidance, because nothing changed in the relationship— but, I changed.

Sometime we outgrow our teachers. I’ve had teachers and healers, and sometimes both are the same, meet me when they were of a much higher vibration. But, somewhere along the way I rose in frequency above them and their words, teachings, healings, no longer carry any resonance for me. Their truth is not my truth, even if I once saw it as the truth. I’ve come to find that in these cases, either they will shift out something just won’t work— like you can’t seem to coordinate a time to meet, or what once felt really easy to align won’t anymore. Sometimes it’s not just a scheduling mishap- it’s literally something in the connection that’s out of alignment. When you match with someone, things feel more effortless. When things start to tip out of balance, you’ll know too.

The most important thing here is respecting your own vibration. I feel that human beings often confuse things and think we’re all the same, or there’s one path. But people come into this world with different levels of skillsets and some move faster and some move slower. Everyone has their natural cadence, strengths and weaknesses and they can’t be assessed based on one set of criteria. People will also hold you to their own limits, whether they’re conscious or unconscious. So if you allow them to determine where you can go and where you are, you’re agreeing to their limits which may hold you back. Limits may feel safe to begin with because they establish a certain code of conduct, or way of understanding/relating, as you’re adjusting to a new framework. But, if you stay true to you, you’ll know when it’s time to move and stretch your container. You also know when someone is growing continuously and not imposing limits on you.

For me, it’s become more and more important to find people who do not have limits. These are people who’ve made the impossible possible, because these are people who do not think about the world in limits and do not look at me that way either. They often tend to attract a higher caliber (and I mean this as vibration and consciousness) of people who also exceed imposed limits that are decided based on limited consciousness and a consensus, an average.

Jamie Sam’s book Dancing the Dream talks about various paths that we walk. Sometimes, people skip certain paths and come back later to review, some people get stuck on one path, some people move through all swiftly. Our teachers also need to be a few paths farther than us so they can show us the way. In those uncomfortable moments when we’re shifting out of paths and everyone else is still where we left them, it’s important to just breathe and know that just because there’s an empty space now doesn’t mean that new people won’t come in, or the universe won’t guide you towards another teacher. In fact, it’s the empty space that is the very thing that will attract those people to you faster. This is the important moment of self-mastery where we do need to be conscious of what comes up- fear, loneliness, grief etc.. we need to feel them, honor them, but we don’t need to let them overtake us and sacrifice our own vibration to scratch an itch.

It’s very human to want to run back to what we know, but the spiritual path requires us to have integrity with regards to our own journey and our own reason for being here. Some mindset coaches will tell you to transcend the emotion. I’m not, I’m saying that it’s important to feel them through, but that we don’t always have to act on them. We most certainly don’t want to suppress them, or bypass them, or “transcend” them. We need to be honest with ourselves, use our tools to process, but ultimately make informed decisions based on prioritizing our greatest good.

Regardless, the main takeaway in all of this is, sometimes someone’s truth can be your truth for a while, but there is never an absolute truth and in finding our own truth and sovereignty we need to remember that we have the power to decide what is true for us, even if it’s true for someone else.

Dynamics

In recent years I did a family constellation and we left at a very confusing point. My practitioner asked me if I was “the big one or the small one” in relationship to my mom, and my unconscious had a really hard time answering that. I said, “I’m the big one” my mother felt so small to me in that moment.

But there was clearly some confusion and my practitioner said it was time for us to stop, but that it was worthwhile to investigate this. I put it away for a few years because I always felt in some ways older than my own mom, but it made no sense to me consciously.

It clicked today that a crucial element of our dynamic when I left home to go to college was my mom constantly texting me to ask me advice on how to parent my younger siblings. And of course I would always give it to her because in some senses, I recognized that I knew better and she did too. That was normal to me, I never realized how strange it was until just now as I’m healing through deeper layers of my family dynamics.

The thought, my parent asked me for advice on how to parent. That sits awkwardly. How could a parent ask their child how to parent after having been their parent? Isn’t this hard evidence for the fact that she didn’t know how, didn’t learn from parenting me, and was never willing to learn? Isn’t this evidence for the fact that she didn’t parent me? These realizations cut through me in such painful ways because I was gaslit all my life to believe that I was wrong, that they knew better, that every time I called them out on how they were abusing me that it wasn’t actually happening and I was just oversensitive and crazy and that it was all my problem.

It makes me see that I was always supposed to be the little one, and it wasn’t a failure on my part that that dynamic between a child and her mother was never developed for me. When I try to readjust my size, visually, I feel like I don’t trust her. I don’t feel safe as her child. I’d rather be the big one- my parents’ parent.

I think it can be such a strange wakeup call for those of us who were put in the position of caring for the people who were supposed to care for us because it shifts our relationship to the world. I remember that for the longest time I always attracted these people who were supposed to care for me- whether they were mentors, teachers, or therapists or the like, who actually ended up needing my care. I didn’t understand why I was caring for people I was paying to help me, how come no one would help me? These imbalanced and strange relationships made me cringe, yet they were so much of my reality that for a period of years I realized I was better alone and not seeking help. Help came with too many strings and too much of an outpour from me.

It wasn’t until a point in my life when it started to clear, and I found myself seeking help from people who could actually help me and didn’t break boundaries or didn’t insert themselves into my healing. I found that I experienced a lot of distrust because of past experiences, and operated from a place of defense which gradually dropped over a long period of time. There was usually a phase of resistance at the beginning when in my mind I tried to convince myself they couldn’t help me, but I usually stuck through it and gave them more chances. This to me was fear, because they were unfamiliar to me (and for those like me, unfamiliar is usually the safer option) and not intuition. This was another moment in which I needed to learn to distill the two, because there is sometimes intuition in fear too. I notice that pure fear comes from my mind, where as instinctual fear comes from my gut.

These people were safe because they didn’t tell me how to be, didn’t tell me what to do, and didn’t get caught in self indulgent and self absorbed emotional dumps that had nothing to do with me. They actually listened to me and wanted to know what was going on, and paid attention, they responded. This at the outset felt so scary to me because I’d never experienced it before. In these experiences no one is the big one and no one is the small one, they’re meeting me on equal footing and they’re here to guide and support, not be my authority.

That of course shaped a lot of the way that I practice too in my integrative sessions. There’s an interesting dynamic that forms that’s so particular, because I can sense when the inner child needs a gentle authority and is at the forefront of the healing. Sometimes the child needs to be seen, heard, and encouraged, sometimes they need to be attuned to in ways that were needed but never given. This is often before the adult and the child have established a healthy connection. Then at other points in time, I’m relating to the adult, and the adult can then liaise with their own inner child. Some clients need a parental energy at the start, and some others need a fierce advocate where they’ve never had one before to initiate and reinforce their developing security.

For those of you who are unaware, I studied power and gender dynamics extensively for many many years. What’s most interesting is in our imbalanced society we think that power is something that is taken, because so many of us actually feel powerless internally as the world is ruled by narcissists and sociopaths. If someone had an internal sense of power, they’d realize they didn’t need to take it from a source outside of themselves, but that’s just the codependent framework of the world at large. Oppression, suppression, taking.

What I came to realize was that power is something that’s received, if it’s given. Everyone has their own sense of power, and if they surrender it freely then that’s when it can be received. I notice these points when people try to do it in my healing practice, and I gently say no. I remind them of what they’re doing and that they have power, and I ask them to take it back.

I think that practitioners are in positions that can be very influential. That’s why I’m so careful about who I work with, especially energetically. Even if I’m not declaring my power, it’s a soft power. That’s what hypnosis and all of these modalities are- they’re exerting influence for change. No one ever saw a healer because they wanted to stay the same. I think it can be dangerous when someone’s ego gets involved or they’re not sensitive enough to the power dynamics at play because they can convince you to do things for self-serving reasons and not reasons for your, or for the, highest good. It’s something that’s always in the back of my mind for me, and for people that I personally hire.

In relating to myself, I’m the big one and the small one simultaneously. As I grow, I learn more about how to parent, and thus parent myself. There are some tangible things that can’t be changed, like how I grew up, but there are elements that can be healed continuously and presently. The dynamic between ourselves is always changing and always has room to grow. That’s where I’m coming to in recent times, is that my relationship to me is the most important relationship I’ll ever have. I may not be able to change what was the dynamic between my mom and me, but my relationship to me is in my full control and I can be hyper aware of the dynamics that I co-create, now.

How to Know You're Undergoing a HUGE Life Shift

1. Things will start falling apart. This is the biggest sign that you’re heading for a huge upgrade in your life, or in different areas in your life.

For example, when I had a huge shift in my love “space”, I went through 3 breakups in a span of a few weeks. It was 3 mini and intense relationships that played out, in order to clear out old energy. Yes it was devastating, yes it was uncomfortable, excruciating even, but I knew that a real relationship was coming. The clearing was freeing me up for something new in my life, clearing old patterns/beliefs/grief/blocks, and sure enough, I ended up in a long term relationship with the next person I dated. When things fall apart, the universe is freeing you up.

2. New people will be magnetized into your life to help you forward

There will be a sudden appearance of new people who want to offer their help in some way. For example, when I committed to my cross country move, random people came into my life to help me in ways with my home, the move, even packing. One person actually gave me a road map for my new career due to several very strange synchronicities.

3. You’ll feel a “push” to grow

For instance, when someone is upleveling in their financial space, they may suddenly get hit with a few challenges in that space. It can feel out of nowhere and hit you in a space that in the past was very peaceful. Sometimes, it’s really just to push you to grow— where would we be without our challenges (which are, in the end, our biggest gifts) after all.

4. Internal “combustion” of sorts— refer to this blog post

5. There will be a mass “clearing” of people, things, in your life. This is to make space for something new.

People just seem to disappear from your life- and you may feel no desire to reach out and they don’t either. This usually applies to a few people because when you shift your vibration or drop your match with them, they shift out. I’ve had this happen with a good friend of mine who is very conscious, so we were able to put it into words- when both of us cleared certain old beliefs, we quite literally could not engage one another- both of us had a feeling that we couldn’t stay in the friendship anymore.

6. You feel your attraction point switch suddenly, and what you now attract, which you attract a lot of initially, feels different than the old.

Suddenly, the new people who come into your life all feel so much “lighter”, or, something just works with them differently than the people you were used to. In love, it could be that you’ve learned all the higher lessons in your relationships that still have trauma-bonds, and then suddenly you are shifted towards attracting people who are your soulmates, or twin flame.

7. There’s a lot of contrast—

This one may be the more esoteric of them all- there’s a really sudden, stark contrast illuminating the darkness and the lightness in your life. For instance, you may have the best possible thing happen to you and you may even be in disbelief at how amazing it is, and then something also seemingly “terrible” (which is an illusion- it may just be a push to grow) happens at the same time. This is not to say that we need to have fear around good things happening, as I’m aware some people have that fear, it’s just to say that something comes to conscious awareness to clear out something dark that’s living in the shadows, so that there can be more light in your life.

All this being said, YOU have to take that first step in order to trigger this shift, for the pieces to come together.

To Expand We Must First Contract

I go through phases when I’m upleveling- meaning, raising my vibration and shifting out of an old vibration. I always know this is happening because I’m met with what feels like a rut, a void space, a crash. Everything could be going very well, and then suddenly for a few days at a time it’s like I can’t get out of bed. I crave comfort foods, I withdraw completely. Anything like working out, or reading, or productive, even, seems utterly impossible.

if you are energy sensitive, then you for sure have gone through these phases. Sometimes they’re linked to planetary alignments, moon cycles and collective energies. Other times, they’re just your own process, whether you’re undergoing an ego death or just a vibrational shift. It’s likely that if you aren’t energy sensitive and somehow wandered over to my blog (or even if you are energy sensitive) you could dismiss what I’m saying with other reasons like, say, depression, or a mood disorder, or something hormonal. Trust me, sometimes it’s easier to default to explanations like that because to default to shifting, or contrasting, seems so intangible. What is this inner process that takes us out, out of nowhere?

Energetically, what’s happening is a contraction internally. The new vibration and the older vibration don’t match, so the contrast within creates a turbulence, a chaos, and the old vibration (which is denser) is attempting to cling- which is why when you go through these phases you may have food cravings for foods with no nutritional value even if normally you eat very healthily. Once this contraction happens fully, it releases, and then your energy expands again in a new vibration.

Even though when you’re going through it there’s no way you’d consider this upleveling, since it feels so regressive, just go through it. Once you surrender to it, the whole process becomes easier.

The first time I really experienced this was during my first ego death, or, dark night of the soul. The contraction phase was so intense, I actually thought I was dying. But then, when it released the next morning, I felt infinitely lighter, more connected, more aware, clearer. I felt so incredibly different. Throughout each of these shifts, I learn more and more that it’s human nature to go through resistance with any change, even if it’s internally. And the lower density, or that which wants to stay the same, will put up a fight. It’s the ego after all. With my second ego death, I learned that fear, resistance and separation is only of the ego, and that our power comes from spirit. The moment we stop fighting and surrender to the spirit, we expand and realize there is nothing at all to fear.

Other times, we may undergo a similar process and arrive at a similar place of renewal but through different means. For example, you could be very busy and keep pushing yourself, and your body will know to keep going. But there is deeper emotional processing that you are avoiding, or you simply don’t have the time or luxury to pause for a minute. The body will keep you functioning until you have a moment, and then it hits you and you crash. Everything you pushed away for the last few days, weeks, months, will suddenly have the necessary space to process, and you may surprised by how much emotion is behind it. Every time, it is scary, but it will also up level you and shift you out of whatever changes you’re undergoing, so that you may experience it on the other side with ease.

The thing is, as we grow, as we contract and expand (which is the natural movement of all life— take for example, the Big Bang), we go through cycles of grief- grief for situations, environments we’ve outgrown, and mostly for ourselves. We lose versions of ourselves in order to grow into new ones, and along the way we do need to grieve those losses.

Stepping Into Power

The process of stepping into ones' own power means owning oneself fully and truly. It means facing every part of you, especially the parts of you that you hide to be socially accepted. Shadow work is essential in this process, as most of us discard and disown elements of ourselves that we cover in shame and self-rejection. That means feeling the depth of negative emotions, "abnormal" (I say this in quotes because what I mean is, anything outside of what society defines as normal which is a rather limited box) needs and basically, anything about ourselves that we'd cringe at if someone else found out about.

For me, that was feelings of neediness, loneliness, sadness, a fear of rejection and vulnerability. If we all came out and said what it was that we hid away, we'd probably come to find that we all hide the same things.

On the spiritual path, if you're like me and have had a share of traumatic events, you'll likely dissociate or want to escape from the heavier feelings and move towards the lighter ones. As a shaman identified for me, this is a form of spiritual bypassing. Although it feels like we are on the path towards enlightenment, we do need to face the discomfort to be able to drop into our bodies because the truth is, our power is in our bodies. If our spirits journey out, our bodies are left defenseless and our visions lose their grounding. Often times in these moments we'll hit a "Detour" or what appears/feels to be like one. It will often feel like a trauma itself, but what it's doing is dislodging our deeper traumas in our unconscious that are matching this circumstance. These detours are what allow us to step into our power.

Throughout the process, it can be grueling, but keep in mind that we are only given that which we can handle. If you are a person like me, a very old soul, a healer, an empath, then you already know that you've signed up for a hell of a lot of challenges in this lifetime to refine you, to make you stronger and suited for the large undertakings ahead. We can only heal people as much as we heal ourselves, after all. Before my "detour", I was taking on the energies of other people, their pain, their wounds and not realizing that those were only being absorbed because they matched something in my past that I'd buried in my subconscious. On the other side of this detour, I realize how much faster I can go down my path now after clearing out all of the darker, residual aspects.

We are human- and as human beings we are wired to judge. And that judgment is information not for the other person, but for ourselves- it brings up our belief systems and what we fear within ourselves. We can use this as useful information in our transformation process as it makes us more powerful.

Remember that power is not what we are conditioned to believe it is: it is not masculine, domineering, aggressive. That is overcompensation. That is purely gender based conditioning. Real power is integration. Real power is feminine and masculine. Real Power is ownership of the self, ugliness and all.